Thank God He Was Only Visiting
The two most polarizing figures in American politics got together for a chat in the Oval Office today and, no, one of them wasn’t Senator Pantsuit. Prince Albert the Hysterical took his Nobel B.S. Prize to the White House today for a “Can’t You Just Feel The Love?” luncheon at the invitation of President Bush. I have a lot of ambivalence about some of the things that President Bush has done but I will say that he’s far more gracious than I.
Gore has spent the time since he LOST running around claiming that he didn’t, bad-mouthing the president whenever he had the chance and reinventing himself as a shameless pimp for a new brand of global communism. He got an Oscar and a Nobel for making up a slide show full of doctored facts, wild speculation and outright lies. In fairness to Gore, he did begin the slide show by saying “My name is Al Gore…” which was the most easily verified fact in the thing. It all got a little sketchy after that.
The left just loves to disparage President Bush’s academic achievements, intelligence and speaking style but few in history have done so much with so little as Gore. His own speaking style is reminiscent of an alcoholic who gets to the bar shortly after breakfast each morning. I have no idea if Gore drinks or not (we know he eats) but he slurs his words so much that I’m always waiting for someone to emerge from the background with a breathalyzer. I think that’s how he’s slipping all the commie mumbo-jumbo past everyone.
“What did he just say?”
“I have no idea but he’s been to the Academy Awards and met Joan Rivers and everything!”
Gore’s biggest achievement to date has been demonstrating to the youth of America that any kid who can learn Power Point has a real shot at becoming a Nobel Laureate.
“And here is a photo of some ice melting in the scotch on my private jet. Someday kids, there will be so much melting ice that we’ll all die. The only way to prevent that is if we all die. Makes sense, doesn’t it?”
“But Mr. Gore, doesn’t your limousine harm the environment?”
“I’m glad you asked that…as you know, Timmy, when I first invented the internal combustion engine I had no idea that the House of Saud would one day…um…isn’t this Nobel medal shiny?”
Again, there is quite a laundry list that I could take this administration to task for (immigration, spending, not realizing until recently that maybe more troops would help in Iraq) but I have to breathe a sigh of relief that Al Gore wasn’t installing solar panels on the West Wing when all the terrorist crap started happening. It’s just better to have the adults in charge in times of crisis, I think.
“I understand that Osama bin Laden is behind this. Yes, it’s true that the exploding jet fuel and collapsing buildings have had a negative effect on the environment in lower Manhattan. Mr. bin Laden does, however, live in a cave so his carbon footprint is still something to be admired. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I am going to reach out to President Chirac and see if there might be a bribe or two he missed at the UN.”
Irony of ironies: the people who love to say George W. Bush is an idiot think this guy is a genius. Talk about a sliding scale! (They must be using NEA-approved public school standards to judge Gore.)
It was funny earlier this year when people were speculating as to whether Gore would run. Why would he? He’s gotten international acclaim for eating free food and making stuff up. He burns through more fossil fuel in a week than your family will in its history and he’s revered as the god of all things environmental. It’s a sweet gig. Hope he keeps it. Those photos of him in the Oval Office were scarier than any horror flick I’ve seen.
Cross posted at America Needs Me
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